


I Did It My Way

by Anonymous_fish (SinatraFan23)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Blood and Injury, Child Death, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, Major Character Injury, Other, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24542569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinatraFan23/pseuds/Anonymous_fish
Summary: David goes on his tired daily life, until he stumbles upon painful memories of his past.
Kudos: 1





	I Did It My Way

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent history, with my own original characters, the main character is named ''David Russel'' and his sister is ''Jackie Russel''. All similarities with real life events/persons are purely coincidental, and all similarities with already existing characters are also coincidental, David is a character i created around 9 years ago when i was a teen.

It was just another day on Dave’s now ‘’mundane’’ life. The man gets out of bed, without even getting a night of sleep and grabs the cigarettes pack from his bedside. He looks for the lighter, and finds one amongst the piles and piles of clothing and trash his room was cluttered with. David lights one cigarette and walks out of the room, going to his small living room, and turns on the tape recorder, it takes a while but soon, “My Way’’ from Frank Sinatra starts playing, the sound was a bit scratchy, but the music still echoed through the small apartment.  
Dave then makes his way to the kitchen, stepping on something on his way. He curses and looks down to see that it was another tape… one of those that he scratched the name, an old VHS…

He could swear he has his old VCR machine somewhere on his old boxes, and so he forgets about going to the kitchen and just grabs a random bottle of liquor out of the floor, whilst he walks to some of the plenty boxes he has.  
David takes a sip, still smoking and opens the box, digging on it until he finds the cables and the old VCR, he smiles, a bit content.

The man now goes to his room, and places the vcr and the tape on his bed, opening his closet and taking out a bulky old TV. It doesn't take long for him to set up everything in his room, as he proudly smiles and turns off the cigarette on top of the tv. David now goes quickly to the bathroom, avoiding looking at his tired reflection on the mirror and opens the cabinet, taking out a flask of pills and a package of white powder.  
Dave breaths out, snorts a line of the powder on the sink and pops some pills, drinking from the bottle once more, he then, finally takes a look on the mirror, uncovering his scarred face, hidden by the locks of his curly dark brown hair. The lilac from his eyes looked dull, and his beard was far from saving as usual.

He shakily takes a napkin out of his pocket and sneezes, feeling the blood run through his burnt out nostrils, years of smoking and snorting drugs made this a common thing on his day by day, is not something he bothers anymore.

The music begins to loop, and he doesn’t mind, Sinatra is one of his favorites, especially this song. He gives out a pity smile to himself in the mirror and goes back to his room once again.

Dave adjustes and turns on the tv, the screen flickers, but nothing too odd, it's an old machine. He uses the buttons on it to change it to the VCR, and inserts the tape, David sits down in front of it, taking a big sip out of the bottle.

Static, and the take began to roll, and his expression changed from dull, to a mixture of fear and sadness…

It was her.

It was her on that damned tape.  
Dave was shocked, he couldn’t even move a muscle when he saw the little girl run around the half dead grass with a duck plush toy on her hands.  
He overhears his voice, less rougher than what he has not, and way more...lively 

‘’Hey! Jackie! Wait fer me, i need to set the tripod!’’ he says, while his hand covers the camera before he trots to the grass and picks up the girl, carrying her on his back.

‘’You’re such a dummy! Too tall brother, i won’t see the camera thing!’’ the girl complains and he laughs, not a fake laugh like he usually does, but a true one.  
A happy smile was painted on his shaved face as he lowers down the kid, petting her head affectionately.

‘’Why Davie took his beard?’’ she questions playfully

‘’So i can look good on camera, your big bro has to be lookin’ gooood’’

‘’But why? No one is going to watch’’ the girl sits down, playing with her plushie

‘’Oh! You gonna, when you grow up i'm gonna show this to yer, so you can see how smol you were haha’’

‘’And, to see how ugly your big brother got with time, you got the pretty genes, i got the tall ones’’

The girl laughs as he sits by her side…

They go on playing on the grass for a little more time, till the tape abruptly ends.

Dave is still paralyzed, he didn’t knew he still had these tapes, all he could feel is the immense will to cry and break the screen of the tv, and so he did. He got up quickly and kicked the thing, bashing the scream with his pure knuckles until the screen broke, together with two or three of his fingers. His knuckles were bloody, but he didn’t mind the pain at all, all he cared about was those overwhelming feelings he was feeling at this moment.

He takes out the tape and throws it on the ground, and then, David breaks… He starts ugly sobbing, and picks up the mangled tape, trying to put it back together to no avail.

‘’God FUCKING DAMMINT DAVID’’ he screams on top of his lungs, his throat sore from holding back his cry. He holds his head, feeling those scars that he had put on his scalp.

‘’WHY WHY WHY???’’ he asks, even tho he won’t get an answer.

This was his fault, this was all his fault… the premature loss of his little sister, and he ignoring all this pain for all those years, drowning in booze, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and sex. If she saw him like this, she would be scared, scared of what he became and scared of what he had done to cope with it.

The killings, the teasing, it was all things he wanted to do with himself but couldn’t because of destiny, because the world wants to see him suffer.

David had tried to take his own life multiple times, but it never worked, it seemed like God had put this curse upon him, that he has to live with his own mistakes, and worst of all, live with himself, live with this husk that he calls a body.

Dave never really liked himself, but Jackie, his little sister, she loved her big brother, her protector, her family… She was all he had, the only thing that mattered for him, and losing her, was like being killed… He died when she died, this...what he is now, is nothing but a husk, a lifeless puppet cursed with life.

He drank the contents of the bottle in a quick gulp, but his crying was too much, his feelings were too much and he couldn’t bear it, the feeling of the drink running on his esophagus was too much… Dave stumbled across his messy apartment and went to the bathroom, but before he could reach the toilet, all the contents of his stomach were expelled on the floor, the smell of liquored vomit, and blood filled his head in an instant.

This is it, he can’t take it, he just can’t take this anymore.

Although he knows he will wake up the next day, he wants to feel again... That relief he feels everytime he tries again and again and again.

He walks to his kitchen, and opens the cupboard, taking out one of the many kitchen knives there present. He stares at it, shakingly, and seeing his foggy reflection on the blade.

With a swift move, he ran the knife on his throat, making a deep cut that immediately gushed out blood. Dave chokes, and falls down, feeling the blood pouring out of him, feeling the bliss of having his life taken away once more.

He smiles… he smiles because, for a split second he can stay with his sister again… before waking up to this reality once more.

**Author's Note:**

> i want you guys to understand that this was written out of pure venting purposes, it is a bit graphic, and overly dramatic, but so ya know, i'm going throught a lot of shit, not only i, but a lot of other people around the globe, and emotions can become a bit too overbearing and this was one of my ways of coping with it.


End file.
